1 00:00:04,176 --> 00:00:07,662 TGIF. FML. NGL. LOL. 2 00:00:07,662 --> 00:00:10,803 Now I am a woman of the workforce, I crave the weekends. 3 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:12,805 It's just a chance to relax 4 00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:16,706 away from Cannon Capital's meetings and memorandums and electronic mails. 5 00:00:16,706 --> 00:00:18,018 What is all this shit? 6 00:00:18,708 --> 00:00:20,468 Laszlo! 7 00:00:20,468 --> 00:00:23,368 My darling. Do both these eyes look hazel to you? 8 00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:25,680 I think it's important my monster has a matching set. 9 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,510 You have turned our home 10 00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:29,719 into Jack the Ripper's recycle bin. 11 00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:32,963 I thought you had finished creating your freaky monster sex doll man. 12 00:00:32,963 --> 00:00:35,725 My darling, if I am to maintain my freaky sex doll monster man, 13 00:00:35,725 --> 00:00:37,623 as you inaccurately call him, 14 00:00:37,623 --> 00:00:40,212 it's important I have an adequate supply of spare body parts. 15 00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:42,145 But what are these? 16 00:00:42,145 --> 00:00:43,767 Uh, they're hearts. They're livers. 17 00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:45,700 They're spleens. They're kidneys. 18 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,875 That's a cat's arsehole. I've no idea what that is. 19 00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:49,670 Whatever. Just get them gone. 20 00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:51,603 Mmm. All right. - Come on, chop-chop. 21 00:00:51,603 --> 00:00:54,054 There's no room in this house for all the things I need to get done. 22 00:00:55,296 --> 00:00:56,884 It's fine. I'll pick those up later. 23 00:01:00,370 --> 00:01:02,717 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 24 00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:05,065 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 25 00:01:05,893 --> 00:01:08,689 ♪ You're dead, you're dead You're dead ♪ 26 00:01:08,689 --> 00:01:11,381 ♪ You're dead And out of this world ♪ 27 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,040 ♪ Now your hope And compassion is gone ♪ 28 00:01:15,592 --> 00:01:18,250 ♪ You've sold out your dream To the world ♪ 29 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,701 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead Stay dead ♪ 30 00:01:20,701 --> 00:01:22,979 ♪ You're dead And out of this world ♪ 31 00:01:32,678 --> 00:01:35,267 I have had enough. 32 00:01:35,267 --> 00:01:37,442 There are too many useless ball sacks 33 00:01:37,442 --> 00:01:40,065 lying around the house with you and Nandor. 34 00:01:40,065 --> 00:01:42,240 We cannot deal with all this extra shit. 35 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,897 My darling, I have everything under control. 36 00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,313 Oh, do you? Absolutely. 37 00:01:46,313 --> 00:01:48,246 - Then what are those? - Feet. 38 00:01:48,246 --> 00:01:52,284 Perhaps Laszlo was trying to tell you the game is afoot. 39 00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:56,323 Shut up, Guillermo. 40 00:01:56,323 --> 00:01:58,325 Nandor, does it not concern you 41 00:01:58,325 --> 00:02:00,361 that you are sat on top of a bag of noses? 42 00:02:00,361 --> 00:02:01,604 I 43 00:02:01,604 --> 00:02:04,400 I thought it was a cushion. 44 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,782 I fell in the bloody pile of torsos again. 45 00:02:07,782 --> 00:02:09,853 Oh, no! No, no, no! Ugh. Pick me up. 46 00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:12,304 Laszlo! I mean it! Oh, get it off me. 47 00:02:13,340 --> 00:02:15,549 Just find a place to store all of this human crap. 48 00:02:15,549 --> 00:02:16,791 All right, my darling. 49 00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:18,414 But where do you suggest? 50 00:02:18,414 --> 00:02:21,210 The small space under the stairs where Guillermo used to live. 51 00:02:21,210 --> 00:02:23,729 We never figured out what to do with it since he moved into the shed. 52 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:27,457 Actually, that space has already been occupied. 53 00:02:27,457 --> 00:02:31,081 What the shit gives you the right to take over that space, Nandor? 54 00:02:31,081 --> 00:02:35,948 Guillermo was my familiar. And B: I have already done it. 55 00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,640 And so it begins. 56 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:41,989 First, Nandor unilaterally gives my garden shed to Gizmo. 57 00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:45,958 A shed I lovingly converted into a temple of self-worship 58 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,960 or some might call it a "Jack Shack." 59 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,617 No. This has to end now. 60 00:02:49,617 --> 00:02:52,379 Otherwise, Nandor will take over the house entirely. 61 00:02:52,379 --> 00:02:55,968 A slope slippier than a whore's saddle. Mmm. 62 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:57,970 If you had wanted the space under the stairs, 63 00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,972 you would have taken the space under the stairs. 64 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,043 Yeah, well, I do want the space under the stairs. 65 00:03:02,043 --> 00:03:05,288 And I intend to take the space under the stairs. For all my 66 00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:08,809 To keep the body parts in order. 67 00:03:08,809 --> 00:03:09,982 Yes. 68 00:03:09,982 --> 00:03:12,019 Hey. Sorry, don't mean to interrupt. 69 00:03:12,019 --> 00:03:13,641 I just want to let you know 70 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:15,195 that you guys are out of hot water. 71 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,266 Hold your horses, Noeël Coward. 72 00:03:17,266 --> 00:03:18,784 You can tell your ex-boss 73 00:03:18,784 --> 00:03:20,717 that this house is not a dictatorship. 74 00:03:20,717 --> 00:03:22,236 Yes. - No, I don't wanna get involved. 75 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:23,617 You guys figure it out, okay? 76 00:03:23,617 --> 00:03:25,619 And how do you propose we do that? 77 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:27,379 I don't know. Take a vote. 78 00:03:27,379 --> 00:03:28,863 Good idea, Guillermo. 79 00:03:28,863 --> 00:03:31,072 Hey, everyone, let's have a vote. 80 00:03:31,072 --> 00:03:32,695 Okay, I'm gonna go. 81 00:03:32,695 --> 00:03:34,386 Nandor, that is a great idea. 82 00:03:34,386 --> 00:03:35,870 - Uh - Let's take a vote. 83 00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:38,873 All those in favor of giving Laszlo dominion 84 00:03:38,873 --> 00:03:40,910 over Guillermo's old space under the stairs 85 00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:43,568 to use as a storage facility for his bodily parts. 86 00:03:43,568 --> 00:03:45,190 Yes, and all my sex stuff. 87 00:03:45,190 --> 00:03:46,260 And maybe some wanking. 88 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:47,537 Okay, raise hand. 89 00:03:48,297 --> 00:03:50,713 And all those in favor 90 00:03:50,713 --> 00:03:53,681 of it remaining the sovereign territory of Nandor 91 00:03:53,681 --> 00:03:55,614 for his exclusive use as a home gymnasium, 92 00:03:55,614 --> 00:03:57,340 which only Nandor can use, 93 00:03:57,340 --> 00:03:58,652 raise your hands. 94 00:03:58,652 --> 00:03:59,584 - No. - It is settled. 95 00:03:59,584 --> 00:04:01,275 Two to one. Ha! 96 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:03,001 Bad luck, Blackadder. 97 00:04:03,001 --> 00:04:04,278 I demand a recount. 98 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,935 Sorry, the people have spoken. 99 00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:07,730 Don't tarnish your legacy, Nandor. 100 00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:11,285 Hear me out. Nadja. A gym only I can use, 101 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,424 - hmm? - Fuck off. 102 00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:15,082 Laszlo, still thinking about it? 103 00:04:15,082 --> 00:04:16,428 No, not even a little. 104 00:04:16,428 --> 00:04:18,223 Yes, don't be a little bitch, Nandor. 105 00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:20,536 What can I say? I lost. 106 00:04:20,536 --> 00:04:23,263 Another time, I would just seize the territory, 107 00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:27,888 but I grow weary of the fight. 108 00:04:27,888 --> 00:04:32,755 Perhaps it is time for this old cowboy to just hang up his spurs 109 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:35,275 and go fuck himself right up the pooper. 110 00:04:36,655 --> 00:04:38,657 Okay, fine. 111 00:04:38,657 --> 00:04:42,247 I shall clear out my StairMaster and booty bands by tomorrow. 112 00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:43,904 Good. And also, give Laszlo his 113 00:04:43,904 --> 00:04:46,424 This is not good. Not good at all. 114 00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:50,497 So I regularly use our network of vents 115 00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:53,120 to gather intel on my housemates 116 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,191 and I've recently uncovered a troubling development. 117 00:04:57,883 --> 00:04:59,678 Well, it's finally happening. 118 00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,992 I'm being forced out of the house. 119 00:05:03,579 --> 00:05:07,307 Over the years, I've kept extensive records 120 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,310 detailing the power rankings within the house. 121 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,760 Who's hot, who's not. Who's chic, who's weak. 122 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,108 Who's fly, who's shy. Who's ballin', who's stallin'. 123 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:20,078 Up here, you have Nandor, then Nadja, then Laszlo. 124 00:05:20,078 --> 00:05:23,323 And down here, Guillermo, until recently. 125 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,153 And over here, is your baby boy, 126 00:05:26,153 --> 00:05:30,295 Colin Robinson, who is going down. 127 00:05:30,295 --> 00:05:33,505 I've been able to hold on to my place in the house 128 00:05:33,505 --> 00:05:36,163 due to a delicate dance. 129 00:05:36,163 --> 00:05:39,580 Not unlike Henry Kissinger's triangular diplomacy. 130 00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:42,825 Nadja and Laszlo represent one stalwart alliance. 131 00:05:42,825 --> 00:05:45,793 Nandor and Guillermo the other. 132 00:05:45,793 --> 00:05:49,763 My lone wolf status afforded me a position of power. 133 00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,489 A tiebreaker. 134 00:05:51,489 --> 00:05:55,665 The Harold Prince to their Stephen Sondheim and Andrew Lloyd Webber. 135 00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:59,151 But the power dynamics have now shifted. 136 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:03,224 Now that Guillermo has left the house, Nandor is a broken man. 137 00:06:03,224 --> 00:06:05,744 And I fear it's just a matter of time before he goes over 138 00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:08,402 to the Nadja/Laszlo alliance for good 139 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,198 and they decide to kill me and quarter my body 140 00:06:11,198 --> 00:06:14,443 to share as sick souvenirs amongst themselves. 141 00:06:14,443 --> 00:06:17,929 Or worse, I have to go apartment hunting. 142 00:06:20,207 --> 00:06:22,278 Come on. You know you want to. 143 00:06:23,037 --> 00:06:25,419 I'm not moving back into the house. Fine. 144 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:28,146 - But will you at least talk to Nandor? - I don't think me talking to him 145 00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:30,113 is gonna make a difference. He's not gonna listen to me either. 146 00:06:30,113 --> 00:06:32,253 - Well, you didn't let me finish. - Sorry. 147 00:06:32,253 --> 00:06:35,636 Uh, what I was saying before you cut me off and didn't let me finish was, 148 00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:37,983 - maybe if you were to talk to Nandor - Mm-hmm. 149 00:06:37,983 --> 00:06:40,641 I could walk by or something and he'd see me 150 00:06:40,641 --> 00:06:42,816 and he'd be like, "Oh, there's Colin Robinson. 151 00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:45,474 I should really form an alliance with him." 152 00:06:45,474 --> 00:06:47,234 You know, to get out of having to talk to you. 153 00:06:47,234 --> 00:06:48,615 Okay. Good night. 154 00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:50,064 I appreciate you 155 00:06:50,064 --> 00:06:52,377 playing my favorite song to cut the tension, 156 00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:54,310 but I don't think it's gonna help me solve this problem. 157 00:06:54,310 --> 00:06:55,691 Doesn't hurt though. 158 00:07:00,661 --> 00:07:02,698 Oh, my God! Talk to Nandor, don't talk to Nandor. 159 00:07:02,698 --> 00:07:04,700 I don't care, all right? Just leave me out of it. 160 00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,909 - Hypnotize him for all I care. - Oh. That's ridiculous. 161 00:07:06,909 --> 00:07:10,222 Everyone knows you can't hypnotize a vampire. They always have their guard up. 162 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,432 Well, then hypnotize him when he's asleep. Like I'm trying to be. 163 00:07:14,123 --> 00:07:17,782 Sleep hypnosis. Is such a thing even possible? 164 00:07:17,782 --> 00:07:19,611 Can you do that somewhere else, please? 165 00:07:19,611 --> 00:07:21,337 Well, I-I-I like the ambient noise. 166 00:07:22,338 --> 00:07:24,616 Oh. Let's take it again. Uh, three, two 167 00:07:24,616 --> 00:07:27,826 Sleep hypnosis. Is such a thing even possible? 168 00:07:27,826 --> 00:07:29,690 I have to find out. Colin. 169 00:07:45,913 --> 00:07:50,159 Nandor. Nan-Man. Dipshit. 170 00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:56,959 What's up? 171 00:07:56,959 --> 00:08:00,583 Hear me now and believe me later. 172 00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:03,413 You are a fierce warrior. 173 00:08:03,413 --> 00:08:06,693 I am a fierce warrior. 174 00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:09,661 You must stand your ground. 175 00:08:09,661 --> 00:08:12,561 Stand my ground. 176 00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:16,944 Your only ally is Colin Robinson. 177 00:08:18,014 --> 00:08:20,051 Are you sure? 178 00:08:21,397 --> 00:08:23,537 Yes, you love Colin Robinson. 179 00:08:23,537 --> 00:08:26,713 That sounds wrong, but okay. 180 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:28,887 All right. 181 00:08:35,066 --> 00:08:37,931 Laszlo, is that chair totally necessary? 182 00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:39,795 It's taking up a lot of room. 183 00:08:39,795 --> 00:08:43,039 Well, how else can I sit and review my stored items of science? 184 00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:45,386 Is that a box of pornography in front of you? 185 00:08:45,386 --> 00:08:47,596 No, anatomical textbooks. 186 00:08:47,596 --> 00:08:51,358 The collective works of Doctors Flynt and Guccione. 187 00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:55,362 - Hey. Have either of you seen Nandor? - Oh. He's probably oversleeping. 188 00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:57,709 Without his home gym room, he has very little to live for. 189 00:08:57,709 --> 00:09:03,404 Cool, cool, coolio. I'm just gonna go for a walk. Just a normal walk. 190 00:09:03,404 --> 00:09:04,992 Okay. 191 00:09:04,992 --> 00:09:06,684 I know what you're going to do with that chair. 192 00:09:06,684 --> 00:09:09,341 You're going to sit in it and stroke yourself, reading your filth. 193 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:10,653 Perhaps I will. 194 00:09:10,653 --> 00:09:12,655 I'm sorry, my darling. Would you like a hand? 195 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:15,071 Yes, I'd actually love one. Well, take your pick. 196 00:09:15,071 --> 00:09:16,245 We've got a bunch of them. 197 00:09:20,111 --> 00:09:24,702 Buddy. It's 7:00 p.m. Time to rise and oh! 198 00:09:31,053 --> 00:09:32,433 Colin Robinson. 199 00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:41,650 Some of them are just too long to fit in as one piece. 200 00:09:41,650 --> 00:09:42,892 That's what my gran said. Ugh. 201 00:09:42,892 --> 00:09:44,618 I am back from my walk. 202 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,206 - Who fucking cares? - Give a fuck. 203 00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:48,795 I saw Nandor out in the hallway. He'll be in in a sec. 204 00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:50,762 Uh-huh. 205 00:09:50,762 --> 00:09:51,901 What the hell? 206 00:09:56,699 --> 00:09:58,080 What the dick is he saying? 207 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,738 Oh. Hold on. I have a translation app here. 208 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:06,675 I have conquered officially the room beneath the stairs 209 00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:08,608 - in the name of Al Quolanudar. - No one's conquered anything. 210 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,609 What the fuck is he talking about? 211 00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:13,889 And I could not have conquered the room beneath the stairs 212 00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:16,823 without Colin Robinson, my primary ally within this fortress. 213 00:10:19,308 --> 00:10:21,724 We take what we wish, and defend it unto death. 214 00:10:21,724 --> 00:10:23,277 Oh. 215 00:10:23,277 --> 00:10:25,314 You heard what he said, ding-dongs. 216 00:10:25,314 --> 00:10:26,453 This is our house now, and if you don't like it, 217 00:10:26,453 --> 00:10:28,006 you can eat my ass. 218 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,459 Ha ha. Yes, eat my ass. 219 00:10:32,459 --> 00:10:34,047 It is plain to see, 220 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:36,601 something very strange is going on with Nandor. 221 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,640 He's being competent and assertive. 222 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,814 Much different to the soaking-wet simp we are used to. 223 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,269 I'm not gonna stand around while these two tits bugger about. 224 00:10:49,269 --> 00:10:51,858 I do important science in there three times a day. 225 00:10:51,858 --> 00:10:54,654 Nandor, get the fuck out of there. No, thank you. 226 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,518 - You heard the lady. Fuck off. - Wow. 227 00:10:57,518 --> 00:10:59,900 - Oh, good! Look who just sashayed in. -"Shasay" away. 228 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,627 No, no, no. We're facing a bit of a contretemps. We need your help. 229 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:04,249 Why don't you just all share the room? 230 00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:05,595 My husband needs it for his body parts! 231 00:11:05,595 --> 00:11:07,149 We had a fucking vote on it, you idiot. 232 00:11:07,149 --> 00:11:09,461 Quiet. 233 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:12,464 I have a fair and equitable solution to propose. 234 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:13,776 Okay, then. 235 00:11:13,776 --> 00:11:15,364 Come on, Tarzan. We're all ears. 236 00:11:15,364 --> 00:11:16,676 Mmm. 237 00:11:18,125 --> 00:11:20,265 Yeah. So he set the house on fire. 238 00:11:20,265 --> 00:11:23,613 Turns out his equitable solution was, 239 00:11:23,613 --> 00:11:26,789 "if I can't have Guillermo's room, then no one can have it." 240 00:11:30,137 --> 00:11:31,725 Or something like that. 241 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,832 It's hard to tell because he also set my phone on fire. 242 00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:38,870 Boy, did we mess up. 243 00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:41,942 We? No, there's no "we." This is all you. 244 00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:44,186 Who convinced me to sleep-hypnotize him? You. 245 00:11:44,186 --> 00:11:45,566 What? I didn't do, oh. 246 00:11:45,566 --> 00:11:48,949 Hey, buddy? No, no. Not safe. 247 00:11:48,949 --> 00:11:50,537 Why don't you sleep-hypnotize him 248 00:11:50,537 --> 00:11:52,125 to go back to the way that he was before? 249 00:11:52,125 --> 00:11:54,334 Yeah, I want to, but my phone melted. 250 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:56,370 Well, then get a new phone. Oh, my God. 251 00:11:56,370 --> 00:11:58,890 That's not good. 252 00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:00,720 I would get a new phone, but I kind of wanna wait 253 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,343 until the new one's released next year. 254 00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:06,587 I mean, there's nothing worse than updating your devices in the off-cycle. 255 00:12:06,587 --> 00:12:09,383 Apple seems to be on an autumn release time frame. 256 00:12:09,383 --> 00:12:11,075 Okay. You know what? How about this? 257 00:12:11,075 --> 00:12:13,733 We use my translation app. And then after that, I'm out. 258 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:19,014 Okay. Type in, "You will return to yourself as you were before." 259 00:12:20,878 --> 00:12:22,327 - Great. - Okay. 260 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:23,604 That should get him back to normal. 261 00:12:23,604 --> 00:12:26,193 Time to go to bed, buddy. Come on. 262 00:12:26,193 --> 00:12:28,989 And after this, no more sleep hypnosis! 263 00:12:29,956 --> 00:12:30,750 Let's hit the hay, buddy. 264 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,373 Sleep hypnosis? 265 00:12:33,373 --> 00:12:35,306 Is such a thing even possible? 266 00:12:42,382 --> 00:12:46,558 When you awake, you will be much tidier. 267 00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,628 Tidier. 268 00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:50,217 Neater and cleaner. 269 00:12:50,217 --> 00:12:53,600 You will not be able to tolerate a single mess. 270 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,809 Neater. Tidier. 271 00:12:55,809 --> 00:12:57,431 Everything in its right place. 272 00:12:57,431 --> 00:12:58,778 I love you, Mommy. 273 00:13:00,918 --> 00:13:01,781 Oh. 274 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:14,276 Whoa. 275 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,107 Very good, my love. 276 00:13:18,107 --> 00:13:20,730 Oh, Marmaduke. You are something else. 277 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:24,251 You know, they don't live as long, the-the bigger dogs. 278 00:13:25,321 --> 00:13:27,979 Oh. - Hey, man. I was reading that. 279 00:13:27,979 --> 00:13:30,050 Well. Not now, you're not. I'll have to iron it now. 280 00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:32,673 What is your major malfunction? 281 00:13:32,673 --> 00:13:34,848 FMJ, 1987. 282 00:13:34,848 --> 00:13:36,608 - Bloody savage. - Sheesh. 283 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,266 We shall never be belligerent. 284 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:42,511 But we shall be as firm in defending our system 285 00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:45,479 as they are in expanding theirs. 286 00:13:45,479 --> 00:13:48,241 I think we can all agree that is very well-spoken. 287 00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:50,657 That sounds kind of like a threat to me. 288 00:13:50,657 --> 00:13:53,971 This is not a threat, this is a statement of policy. 289 00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:55,524 But we are done arguing 290 00:13:55,524 --> 00:13:58,009 over the shitty little room under the stairs, correct? 291 00:13:58,009 --> 00:13:59,528 I have never been a quitter. 292 00:13:59,528 --> 00:14:01,116 "But as president, 293 00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:04,015 I must put the interests of America first." 294 00:14:04,015 --> 00:14:05,741 What the fuck is he talking about? 295 00:14:05,741 --> 00:14:08,468 "Nobody will ever write a book, 296 00:14:08,468 --> 00:14:12,127 probably about my mother." 297 00:14:12,127 --> 00:14:16,683 So, yes, I sleep-hypnotized Nandor again last night. 298 00:14:16,683 --> 00:14:18,271 Just to get him back to normal. 299 00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:20,480 I will return to myself 300 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,516 And while I was messing around in there, 301 00:14:22,516 --> 00:14:25,416 I thought, why not improve on the original? 302 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:28,695 - Basically, just like this guy. - This guy. 303 00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:32,941 Charismatic. A student of Realpolitik. 304 00:14:32,941 --> 00:14:35,495 Nobody will ever write a book, probably about my mother. 305 00:14:35,495 --> 00:14:38,912 But, yeah, I think I may have sleep-hypnotized Nandor 306 00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,880 into Richard Nixon. 307 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,160 For 16 years, since the Hiss case, you've had a lot of fun. 308 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,542 A lot of fun. You've had an opportunity to attack me. 309 00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:51,683 And I'd like to think I've given as good as I've taken. 310 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,754 - Colin Robinson. - Hmm? 311 00:14:53,754 --> 00:14:56,033 Have you done something to Nandor's brain somehow? 312 00:14:56,033 --> 00:14:58,380 No. No, I don't think I did. 313 00:14:59,829 --> 00:15:01,693 Hmm. - Nandor, listen to me. 314 00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:04,144 Has Colin Robinson done something to your head? 315 00:15:08,424 --> 00:15:11,669 People have got to know whether their president is a crook. 316 00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,809 Well, I'm not a crook. 317 00:15:18,745 --> 00:15:21,265 No, no, don't come in. 318 00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:23,439 Whatever it is, I don't care. 319 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,964 Are you okay? 320 00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,862 Do you wanna talk about it? Come on. 321 00:15:34,588 --> 00:15:35,589 Okay. What is it? 322 00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:40,180 -"You know what it was." - What? 323 00:15:40,180 --> 00:15:42,596 "It was a little Cocker Spaniel dog 324 00:15:42,596 --> 00:15:45,945 in a crate he sent all the way from Texas. 325 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,463 Black and white, spotted. 326 00:15:47,463 --> 00:15:50,708 And our little one, Trisha, the six-year-old. 327 00:15:50,708 --> 00:15:53,435 She named it Checkers." 328 00:15:53,435 --> 00:15:55,989 Wait, isn't this, like, a Richard Nixon speech? 329 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:59,751 "Our kids, they love that dog, and I just want to say this. 330 00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:04,756 Right now, regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep it." 331 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:07,759 Did Colin Robinson sleep-hypnotize you 332 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:10,210 so you're only able to speak like Richard Nixon? 333 00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:13,144 I will not put the blame on subordinates. 334 00:16:13,144 --> 00:16:14,490 I'll take that as a yes. 335 00:16:14,490 --> 00:16:16,458 Would you like me to help undo it? 336 00:16:18,425 --> 00:16:19,979 Sock it to me. 337 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:24,052 And you'll go back to the Nandor from before. 338 00:16:24,052 --> 00:16:26,847 Just a regular vampire. 339 00:16:26,847 --> 00:16:28,642 What is this? 340 00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:31,542 Sleep hypnosis? Is such a thing even possible. 341 00:16:32,439 --> 00:16:33,302 Your camera's filthy. 342 00:16:39,101 --> 00:16:41,724 Packages. I hope it's my electric kettle. 343 00:16:42,725 --> 00:16:44,589 No. Here we go. 344 00:16:45,487 --> 00:16:48,421 No. It's, uh, all addressed to Laszlo Cravensworth. 345 00:16:48,421 --> 00:16:49,698 It's weird. 346 00:16:49,698 --> 00:16:51,044 I wonder how he even figured out how to use Prime. 347 00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:55,048 What, uh 348 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:56,291 Ah. 349 00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,293 What's going on here? 350 00:16:58,293 --> 00:17:01,986 My parcels from the Amazon. Thank you for ordering, Colin Robinson. 351 00:17:01,986 --> 00:17:04,195 Lord Laszlo's wish is my command. 352 00:17:04,195 --> 00:17:06,680 All hail Lord Laszlo. 353 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,372 Solvents and sponges for everyone. 354 00:17:09,338 --> 00:17:11,133 May I just say you look fabulous, Baron. 355 00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:12,203 Flatterer. 356 00:17:13,411 --> 00:17:15,310 You know, but it turns out that these little scallywags 357 00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,657 do more than just keep me young in spirit. 358 00:17:17,657 --> 00:17:20,349 They also secrete a wonderful healing cream. 359 00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,938 Look, I'm almost back to normal. 360 00:17:22,938 --> 00:17:26,666 The Sire extracts milk from them every evening. 361 00:17:26,666 --> 00:17:30,911 So, anyhoo, sleep hypnosis. Is such a thing even possible? 362 00:17:30,911 --> 00:17:32,051 Apparently, yes. 363 00:17:32,775 --> 00:17:36,158 I kid you. Everybody knows about sleep hypnosis. 364 00:17:36,158 --> 00:17:38,712 Do you think you could hypnotize them back? 365 00:17:38,712 --> 00:17:42,061 Can I, the supreme all-powerful vampire, hypnotize them? 366 00:17:43,234 --> 00:17:45,202 - Obviously. - Okay. 367 00:17:45,202 --> 00:17:47,514 Why don't you hand me your very smart telephone 368 00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:49,999 and I can record my hypnosis. You can play it for them later. 369 00:17:49,999 --> 00:17:55,522 But do not listen lest you become hypnotized yourself. 370 00:17:55,522 --> 00:17:58,870 How about noise canceling? 371 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,872 Ah. Now I'll do the recording, if you put on your ear buddy phones. 372 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:01,942 Okay. 373 00:18:05,049 --> 00:18:10,192 Ye shall forget everything ye know and everything ye have known. 374 00:18:10,192 --> 00:18:12,884 Let me listen to that back. I always sound so nasally in these things. 375 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:15,197 Okay. 376 00:18:15,197 --> 00:18:19,408 Ye shall forget everything ye know and everything ye have known. 377 00:18:19,408 --> 00:18:21,548 - You like it? Yeah, okay. Great. - Yeah. 378 00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:23,171 Okay. So now I will do the recording. 379 00:18:23,171 --> 00:18:24,758 Oh. Okay. 380 00:18:25,587 --> 00:18:28,210 Ye shall forget everything ye know 381 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:30,764 and everything ye have known. 382 00:18:30,764 --> 00:18:32,559 Okay. Let me listen to that back. 383 00:18:32,559 --> 00:18:33,733 I always sound so nasally in these things. 384 00:18:33,733 --> 00:18:36,080 Uh-huh. 385 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:41,154 Ye shall forget everything ye know and everything ye have known. 386 00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:43,570 - Great. I'll just take the phone back. - Not-Not so fast. 387 00:18:43,570 --> 00:18:45,158 I still need to do the recording. 388 00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,126 Oh. I see what's going on here. 389 00:18:49,024 --> 00:18:50,577 Be quiet. 390 00:18:52,407 --> 00:18:53,442 Come on. 391 00:18:56,411 --> 00:19:00,622 Ye shall forget everything ye know and everything ye have known. 392 00:19:00,622 --> 00:19:05,765 Ye shall forget everything ye know and everything ye have known. 393 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:14,739 Hmm. 394 00:19:14,739 --> 00:19:17,121 - Good. You guys are finally up. - Up with the lark. 395 00:19:17,121 --> 00:19:20,780 That was the best sleep I've had in ages. 396 00:19:20,780 --> 00:19:22,437 Indeed, good sir. 397 00:19:22,437 --> 00:19:23,645 Nandor the Relentless, by the way. 398 00:19:23,645 --> 00:19:25,957 I don't believe I caught your name. 399 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:30,099 Leslie Cravensworth. You may call me Mr. Cravensworth. 400 00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:31,963 Mister Cravensworth. 401 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:34,759 And who's that? I have no idea. 402 00:19:34,759 --> 00:19:37,003 So, it seems that, uh, The Baron's hypnosis 403 00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:39,108 not only made them forget about their hypnoses 404 00:19:39,108 --> 00:19:40,455 Relentless, you say? 405 00:19:40,455 --> 00:19:42,629 - Yes. - Must be my lucky day. 406 00:19:42,629 --> 00:19:45,184 but it also made them forget that they had ever met each other 407 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,633 because, of course it did. 408 00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:49,947 Nadja of Antipaxos. 409 00:19:49,947 --> 00:19:51,500 Mmm. 410 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:54,400 Nice to meet you. Nadja. - I say. Hello. 411 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:58,783 Hello. I'm Colin Robinson. Who-Who are you, boners? 412 00:19:58,783 --> 00:20:00,958 I say. Hello. 413 00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:04,168 Yeah, I think I'm gonna like living here just fine. 414 00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:07,240 Apart from the fact that I'm disoriented, slightly afraid 415 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,277 and don't know who you are. 416 00:20:09,277 --> 00:20:11,071 Nice little nest we've got here, huh? 417 00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:13,902 Oh, yes. Look at this chandelier. 418 00:20:13,902 --> 00:20:15,869 - Surely could hold a sex net. - Sex net. 419 00:20:17,388 --> 00:20:19,183 Check out this little space back here. 420 00:20:19,183 --> 00:20:22,186 Oh, yes. Look at this nice little space. 421 00:20:22,186 --> 00:20:24,153 Perfect for a place to hang out. 422 00:20:24,153 --> 00:20:26,535 Now we're talking. - I was thinking the same thing. 423 00:20:26,535 --> 00:20:30,090 I mean, it's a bit small. It would only really be good for a solo pursuit. 424 00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:35,234 If I may be so bold, I think I would like to set up shop here if that is okay. 425 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:37,097 Sorry. But no, you may not be so bold 426 00:20:37,097 --> 00:20:40,342 because I myself was hoping to set up shop just here, so-- 427 00:20:40,342 --> 00:20:43,311 Well, if I might be bolder still. I'd like to wank there. 428 00:20:43,311 --> 00:20:45,899 See, I was thinking of just having an area that I could stand in. 429 00:20:46,659 --> 00:20:47,625 Well. 430 00:20:55,530 --> 00:20:58,049 So who the fuck is gonna get that space under the stairs? 431 00:20:58,049 --> 00:20:59,741 - Me. I am. - I guess you do your wanking 432 00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:01,674 I should have a safe space. 433 00:21:01,674 --> 00:21:03,745 Hello, everyone. Knock, knock, knock, knock. 434 00:21:03,745 --> 00:21:05,574 I need to tell you something. 435 00:21:05,574 --> 00:21:08,819 I just want to say sorry that I haven't been around lately. 436 00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:13,202 But I have been working closely with your old roommate Jerry the Vampire 437 00:21:13,202 --> 00:21:17,206 on his big, fantastic plan to conquer all of North America. 438 00:21:17,206 --> 00:21:19,036 - Who? - Come on. 439 00:21:19,036 --> 00:21:21,625 You know Jerry the Vampire, your old roommate. 440 00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:25,249 Super slumber guy, tall. He's got a round face. 441 00:21:25,249 --> 00:21:27,113 I don't know who is who or what is what. 442 00:21:27,113 --> 00:21:29,874 But I am loving this ditzy blonde. 443 00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:35,017 - Sleep hypnosis. - Hypnosis. I was trying to tell you. 444 00:21:35,017 --> 00:21:37,503 Oh, yes. Sleep hypnosis is a very real thing. 445 00:21:37,503 --> 00:21:40,747 I learned that my first week of Vampire Council sleepaway camp. 446 00:21:40,747 --> 00:21:42,922 Oh. Those bitches in cabin nine. 447 00:21:42,922 --> 00:21:45,165 Enchanted. Have we met before? 448 00:21:45,165 --> 00:21:48,134 If we had, I'm sure I would have remembered. 449 00:21:48,134 --> 00:21:49,722 Anyways, 450 00:21:49,722 --> 00:21:51,931 it is quite easy to undo. 451 00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:56,660 You have never been sleep hypnotized. 452 00:21:56,660 --> 00:22:00,491 Neither of you have ever been sleep hypnotized. 453 00:22:00,491 --> 00:22:02,286 Never, ever. Hush, little baby. 454 00:22:02,286 --> 00:22:04,426 Done. Done. Done. 455 00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:13,539 I just had the strangest dream. 456 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,196 You were there, Laszlo. And you were there, Nandor. 457 00:22:16,196 --> 00:22:17,577 But we didn't know each other. 458 00:22:18,475 --> 00:22:19,959 - Oh. Was I there? - No. 459 00:22:20,511 --> 00:22:23,963 Knock, knock. Sorry, I was knocking for a while and just let myself in. 460 00:22:25,171 --> 00:22:26,310 Guillermo de La Cruz. 461 00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:27,863 - We know. - No shit, Geronimo. 462 00:22:27,863 --> 00:22:29,348 Oh, good. You saw my resume. 463 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:32,385 I'm here for an interview with Nandor. 464 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:34,525 I saw the ad on Craigslist. 465 00:22:34,525 --> 00:22:37,839 Half-bed, no bath, light housework required. 466 00:22:37,839 --> 00:22:39,358 I think I can handle that. 467 00:22:40,082 --> 00:22:45,605 So apparently, Guillermo likes to listen to podcasts while he falls asleep. 468 00:22:46,295 --> 00:22:48,884 Unfortunately for him, he must've listened 469 00:22:48,884 --> 00:22:51,508 to the Baron's hypnosis message on loop, 470 00:22:51,508 --> 00:22:53,441 over and over again, 471 00:22:53,441 --> 00:22:57,583 instead of his usual Real Housewives from bumfuck wherever recap. 472 00:22:58,653 --> 00:23:00,137 Oh. 473 00:23:01,449 --> 00:23:03,174 - Guillermo, is it? - Yes. 474 00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:03,968 Nice to meet you. 475 00:23:05,970 --> 00:23:07,869 I am Nandor. Shall we? 476 00:23:08,456 --> 00:23:09,733 Hi. Good luck. 477 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,911 And at Panera Bread, I was responsible for closing and opening of the shop. 478 00:23:15,911 --> 00:23:17,879 - Impressive. - Thank you. 479 00:23:19,018 --> 00:23:20,985 I was wondering if I could ask you something. 480 00:23:20,985 --> 00:23:21,779 Sure. 481 00:23:23,263 --> 00:23:24,057 You guys are 482 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,924 - You know. - What? 483 00:23:28,924 --> 00:23:32,411 You guys are vampires, right? 484 00:23:33,860 --> 00:23:34,620 Yes. 485 00:23:36,138 --> 00:23:39,901 I knew it. That is so awesome. I had a feeling. Just 486 00:23:39,901 --> 00:23:41,765 I didn't even see your fangs until now. 487 00:23:41,765 --> 00:23:43,387 That is so cool. 488 00:23:43,387 --> 00:23:45,700 I know you couldn't put that in the ad, obviously. 489 00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:47,184 - Well, yeah. - I was just I 490 00:23:47,184 --> 00:23:49,117 I've always fantasized about being one. 491 00:23:49,117 --> 00:23:51,119 - A vampire, that is. - Mmm. 492 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,949 When I was little, I begged my mom for a cape. 493 00:23:54,571 --> 00:23:55,951 She didn't have the money for it, 494 00:23:55,951 --> 00:23:58,057 but somehow she found a way of making one. 495 00:23:58,057 --> 00:24:00,473 And I put that cape on, and I just fantasized 496 00:24:00,473 --> 00:24:03,821 about what it would be like to fly all over the world. 497 00:24:04,477 --> 00:24:07,169 No one picking on you. Live forever. 498 00:24:08,205 --> 00:24:10,966 I was a pretty shy kid, so I didn't have a lot of friends. 499 00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:14,038 I'm sure you can understand that. 500 00:24:14,901 --> 00:24:16,903 Not really. I was rich and a jock. 501 00:24:16,903 --> 00:24:18,733 Yeah. That makes sense. 502 00:24:18,733 --> 00:24:23,116 But I can imagine. It must have been very, um, hard. 503 00:24:23,116 --> 00:24:24,877 It's okay. 504 00:24:24,877 --> 00:24:27,707 I don't wanna jump the gun here, 505 00:24:27,707 --> 00:24:30,123 but I would love to be your familiar. 506 00:24:31,055 --> 00:24:32,574 - But I do wanna ask. - Mmm. 507 00:24:32,574 --> 00:24:34,127 If I 508 00:24:34,749 --> 00:24:37,130 Or your familiar-- Whoever you choose. It's your choice 509 00:24:37,130 --> 00:24:38,511 Sure. 510 00:24:38,511 --> 00:24:40,064 - did a really great job - Mmm. 511 00:24:40,064 --> 00:24:41,997 and did everything you ever asked of them, 512 00:24:42,929 --> 00:24:44,483 - would you ever-- - Make you a vampire? 513 00:24:46,899 --> 00:24:48,107 Yes. 514 00:24:48,107 --> 00:24:51,248 I must confess, I am a little tempted 515 00:24:51,248 --> 00:24:55,494 to keep Guillermo as he was the very first time he came to me. 516 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:58,531 I will dehypnotize him later tonight. 517 00:24:58,531 --> 00:25:02,362 But, for now, I will let him have one last sleep 518 00:25:02,362 --> 00:25:04,537 in his little room under the stairs. 519 00:25:09,404 --> 00:25:11,993 I forgot how loudly he breathes. 520 00:25:27,215 --> 00:25:30,080 So in the end, we figured out the best solution. 521 00:25:30,736 --> 00:25:31,737 Share the room. 522 00:25:32,910 --> 00:25:35,154 Share the room. - Share the room. 523 00:25:38,329 --> 00:25:40,469 ♪ You've got me hypnotized ♪ 524 00:25:41,747 --> 00:25:43,162 ♪ I can't eat ♪ 525 00:25:43,162 --> 00:25:47,097 ♪ I can't sleep at night ♪ 526 00:25:49,340 --> 00:25:52,585 ♪ You've got me hypnotized ♪ 527 00:25:53,275 --> 00:25:57,383 ♪ You're doing very strange things to my brain ♪ 528 00:26:00,869 --> 00:26:04,114 ♪ You've got me hypnotized ♪ 529 00:26:05,460 --> 00:26:08,567 ♪ And I wonder If I'll ever be the same ♪ 530 00:26:14,883 --> 00:26:16,575 ♪ You've got me hypnotized ♪